I'm a Poor Example and It Sucks

1 Peter 5:1-3 (ESV)
"So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock."

I will have to admit something to you all. I struggle with staying focused on my vocation and ministry of being a pastor. There are days that would rather sleep in until 10:00am, go to bed early, and do nothing but watch football in between. And would have to admit that I don't do the best in fulfilling the scripture above.

Peter lays out some basic principles for elders/pastors: shepherd the flock, serve eagerly, and be an example to the flock. But the principle I feel that I need to focus on the most is the final principle. Honestly, there are weeks where I feel like such a hypocrit. During my sermons on Sunday mornings I preach the a true believer in Christ can't help but live their life for Christ. In other words, reaching out and preaching the gospel of Truth through their words and actions. And yet, as I live my life during the week I would have to admit that most of my time is spent with believers. I mean a 99-1 ratio believers-unbelievers. And usually that 1% unbelievers are those I run into at the grocery store and our conversation doesn't go past "Hello. How is life? Oh, that's good."

And then I get frustrated with my leadership because they are unwilling to even think about getting out of their comfort zones, go down to the bar, buy a coke, and sit with "sinners." I am certainly not being a good example.

So, why don't I get out of my comfort zone enough? Yes, God has called me to lead the people of this church in spiritual growth, intimate relationships with each other and Christ, and challenging them in their beliefs about their faith. That is my vocation, my job. But that job does not give me a pass on evangelism. Man, I frustrate myself. God has called each of us who believe in Him to make disciples, help expand His kingdom (not ours), and bring Him glory through our lives.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm riding the fence. I want to be on fire for Christ, but my own selfishness and depravity get in the way. How do I get past this hump in my spiritual life and ministry? How do I jump in the game and hit the line with all my might? (Sorry for the football analogy.) How do I give Christ all of me instead of most or just some of me? That is the real question.

Easier Said Than Done

"So put away all malice and all deceit and hypocrisy and envy and all slander." 1 Peter 2:1 (ESV)

I will have to admit that as a pastor I tend to read passages like 1 Peter 2 in the direction of the congregation rather than myself. After all, they need to hear things like this much more often than I do. But more often than not I find God using the scripture yes to talk about the church I pastor, but much more often than not God uses the scripture to speak to me.

I know this all sounds very much obvious. Of course God speaks to us personally through His Word. But how many times have you read a passage and another person's name came to mind and when our name comes to mind we tend to suppress it.

Take a look at the 1 Peter 2:1 again. All too often I find that I fulfill most if not all of those words Peter uses. He is in a way begging the churches in Galatia to live a life different from the world around them. He desires for their lives to reveal the glory of God through their circumstances and how they react to those circumstances. "[S]o that the tested genuineness of your faith — more precious than gold that perishes though it is tested by fire — may be found to result in praise and glory and honor at the revelation of Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 1:7). How much more should my life reveal the glory of God.

But all too often words spoken are easier said than done. I am finding that the more I try to live my life for Christ the more I fail. What I mean by this is that I try it on my own, through my own power. That is why I fail. The only way to accomplish the goal of true sanctification is through the work of God in my life. He needs to do the work in me. And I need to be willing to be changed. Obviously, right now I'm not ready because I am still grasping onto the hope that I can handle it. Now the definition of insanity is coming to mind.

I Fail Because It's Not About Me

Last Sunday I had an interesting conversation with an individual (I'll call him John) attending the morning worship service. I have had great theological conversations with him in the past and so I trust him and know that the words he speaks are not to nit-pick but to better be able to express the truth of Christ correctly. In my sermon last week I mentioned that we need to strive to live for Christ in such a way that those around us can see the power and work of the Holy Spirit in and through us (or something to that affect). John came up after the service and mentioned that I used the wrong words to explain my point even though he understood what I was trying to say. He suggested that instead of using the word "strive" I should use the word "yield."

After my initial annoyance of his semantic display I began to understand and agree with his point. Striving puts all the work and effort on my part. We do strive in a sense to live for Christ, but the focus should not be on us but on God. To use the word yield places the work on Christ and the Holy Spirit. It's as if to say that I am submitting myself to Christ, yielding to his dominion over me.

Why am I bringing this us? Through the course of my short life on earth I have struggled with my weight. I went to the doctor last Monday for my first full physical since high school. The doctor said overall I was very healthy, but that I needed to lose some weight (like 50 lbs.) and work out for six days a week or I would have some real trouble when I turned forty. So, over the past three days I have been watching what I eat and trying to exercise every day. I have done this in the past and succeeded but only because I had someone else pushing me. Once that person was no longer involved in keeping me accountable I would fall back into my old habits.

I feel that I am doing well in keeping myself accountable, but I also get the sense that I a attempting to do this on my own strength and effort. As much as I try not to rely on myself I feel I can easily fall back on my old habits once I feel like not working out or want ten pieces of pizza. So, how do I yield to Christ in this effort instead of striving to follow Christ? How do I submit to Him in this? Overall this is a very simple aspect of my life compared to my salvation and sanctification. So, if I can't yield to Him in this part of my life how can I expect to yield to Him in others?

In the mean time, I will continue to work on yielding even though I know there is no simple answer and yielding is never really easy. Is yielding like sanctification? Is it a process?