I'm a Poor Example and It Sucks

1 Peter 5:1-3 (ESV)
"So I exhort the elders among you, as a fellow elder and a witness of the sufferings of Christ, as well as a partaker in the glory that is going to be revealed: shepherd the flock of God that is among you, exercising oversight, not under compulsion, but willingly, as God would have you; not for shameful gain, but eagerly; not domineering over those in your charge, but being examples to the flock."

I will have to admit something to you all. I struggle with staying focused on my vocation and ministry of being a pastor. There are days that would rather sleep in until 10:00am, go to bed early, and do nothing but watch football in between. And would have to admit that I don't do the best in fulfilling the scripture above.

Peter lays out some basic principles for elders/pastors: shepherd the flock, serve eagerly, and be an example to the flock. But the principle I feel that I need to focus on the most is the final principle. Honestly, there are weeks where I feel like such a hypocrit. During my sermons on Sunday mornings I preach the a true believer in Christ can't help but live their life for Christ. In other words, reaching out and preaching the gospel of Truth through their words and actions. And yet, as I live my life during the week I would have to admit that most of my time is spent with believers. I mean a 99-1 ratio believers-unbelievers. And usually that 1% unbelievers are those I run into at the grocery store and our conversation doesn't go past "Hello. How is life? Oh, that's good."

And then I get frustrated with my leadership because they are unwilling to even think about getting out of their comfort zones, go down to the bar, buy a coke, and sit with "sinners." I am certainly not being a good example.

So, why don't I get out of my comfort zone enough? Yes, God has called me to lead the people of this church in spiritual growth, intimate relationships with each other and Christ, and challenging them in their beliefs about their faith. That is my vocation, my job. But that job does not give me a pass on evangelism. Man, I frustrate myself. God has called each of us who believe in Him to make disciples, help expand His kingdom (not ours), and bring Him glory through our lives.

Sometimes I just feel like I'm riding the fence. I want to be on fire for Christ, but my own selfishness and depravity get in the way. How do I get past this hump in my spiritual life and ministry? How do I jump in the game and hit the line with all my might? (Sorry for the football analogy.) How do I give Christ all of me instead of most or just some of me? That is the real question.