How Do You Deal With the Loss of a Child?

Our beautiful daughter Kahra born February 2009

It was on July 28, 2005 that my wife and I had a miscarriage at around eleven weeks along and we lost our first child.  To this day the emotions are fresh and the feelings of a life lost are still raw.  The wound has healed, but the scar is deep and still very sensitive.

To this day my wife and I struggle to explain exactly why God would take something so precious to us without knowing a face or personality.  Having a child was a great desire for us both.  Perhaps we weren't ready.  Maybe we both needed to grow up a little before the pressure of a baby in our life changed everything.  Perhaps there is no explanation that can satisfy the pain of our experience.

But we do know that God is God and we are not.  Whatever he has planned for our lives we, as his children, must submit to and glorify him.  Through that difficult time we slowly healed and opportunities arose for us to care for and cry with others who had lost a child.  We understood the pain.  We understood the confusion.  We understood the loneliness that so many parents go through when they lose a child.  We understood the completely unbiblical things people would say to make us feel better.  (i.e. - "Your baby must have been deformed and God knew you couldn't handle it." or "God needed him with him." as if God needs anything from us.) 

We are better people because of the loss of our child.   God is more glorified with our lives now than before our loss.  In the end, to Him be the glory.

If you encounter those who have lost a young child or older child it may be difficult to know how to react.  Lisa Blanco has written a great article on Gospel Coalition's blog here on the loss of their son who was born six week premature.  If you are in a ministry of any sort (full-time or volunteer) please read her article.  It will proved great insight into how God works through such terrible circumstances and our reaction to those circumstances and God as His children.